EEEEEB!… and a new Caption Contest
(Stands for Exotic Erotic Electrostimulating but Erratic and Entertainingly-challenged Ball)
Well, we had a fun time in New York. The Ball was a semi-success overall, considering it was the first time it’s been attempted in NYC. I had a few complaints about the production, which didn’t do much to help artists and crew put on a good show. I arrived at the assigned time and was shown to a ‘changing area’ which was a small curtained off space with a trestle table but no water, drinks or food. Each time I came back to it there was a new set of scantily clad trapeze artists, contortionists or S+M performers crowded into my space. Sound check was delayed nearly 3 hours, and when I finally got my sound going the doors were opened to the public with no warning.
The venue was one huge warehouse, and the live music acts had to compete with a disco at one end and live burlesque/fashion shows at the other. And the PA and sound crew provided were better suited to a conference event in a hotel ballroom. That said, the small audience that stayed in front of the stage for my set (as opposed to going off hunting porn star autographs in the nether reaches of the warehouse) were friendly and supportive. I had to remind myself it’s a lot harder to thrill a non-partisan crowd than a house full of Dolby fans, but it’s important to expand my audience.
In the circumstances I handled my part pretty well, but MAJOR kudos goes to Darin and Johnny, who had to pull out all the stops and run the audio and visuals themselves given the poor service they got from the venue. Great to get moral support from splendidly-attired Forum regulars Holly and Jim, Spikey (Jen), StevieD and others. Holly has posted some pics in the Forum, including the one below of me with George Clinton–and I have a funny story to tell about this shot that musos and geeks will get a big kick out of.
I had prepared ‘Hot Sauce’ to add to my set for the occasion, because it needed an extra party number and because I knew George Clinton would be there and might wander up and sing with me. It’s a brand new arrangement and sequence, meaning a number of unpredictable thigns might happen the first time I play it at a gig. But I knew it would be a fun way to end the show, plus I’d been told that budding porn starlet Violet Blue had prepared a special strip routine involving hot candle wax; so I would do an instrumental jam while she did her thing. we’d never rehearsed this though.
I saw George Clinton only seconds before I went onstage, and mentioned I would be playing ‘Hot Sauce’ last, in case he felt like joining me.
Now, I’ve mentioned before in my blog that I use ‘in-ear’ monitors. These are injection-molded earphones that fit deep in the ear canal and effectively block 90% of exterior noise, so that the performer can hear his own music mix regardless off how the onstage monitor system sounds. These are great but the drawback is, I can’t hear the audience response. So to offset this I have Darin set up a Shure SM58 mic on a stand next to my keyboard rig, and I mix a little of it in with my cue mix so I can ‘feel’ the audience.
So about 20 seconds into ‘Hot Sauce’–the first time I’ve ever played it live in this arrangement–I hear something VERY strange. At first I thought the vocal effects I’d set up–that tune my voice down an octave–had gone badly wrong. Then I turn around and get the shock of my life…. George Clinton has wandered onstage, picked up my Shure SM58 ambient mic, and is singing into it! Meaning that the audience can’t hear him at all, but I can hear him VERY LOUD.
(!)
I think this calls for a new caption contest, don’t you? Post your caption in the Comments field, and in the meantime I’ll think up a prize 
June 20th, 2006 at 3:08 am
Great story to go with that photo!
I just woke up, so my caption making skills aren’t exactly together – but thanks for a good laugh to start the day.
June 20th, 2006 at 3:31 am
It has to be
“Hey George, get out of my mix”
Now doesn’t it? Great story. Looking forward to Hyde Park immensely.
June 20th, 2006 at 3:55 am
What a great story! Thanks for the write up about the show: I wish I could have been there.
As for a caption…
“…And just then my muse appeared, over my left shoulder, singing in a voice that only I could hear…”
June 20th, 2006 at 4:12 am
Don’t you just hate it when your boss hovers around your workstation and micro-manages you all morning? “You’re going to want to turn that blue knob over there up another notch before the drum fill comes in. No, two notches.” “What are you using to connect that sequencer? Some sort of cable?” “Boy, when I had your job, we would never would have floated two patches on the same board like that.” I mean, just let leave me alone and let me do my freaking job, you know?
June 20th, 2006 at 4:36 am
Ah, I can’t wait to see the DVD of your tour! ‘Hot Sauce’ with George Clinton should make a great addition.
Here is my caption:
Yes, it’s true, George Clinton is back. After disappearing two weeks ago during a fishing trip (amid rumors of an extraterrestrial abduction), Mr. Clinton turned up onstage at the Exotic Erotic Ball. Thomas Dolby, who was performing at the time of the reappearance, said he heard a strange sound, looked behind him, and was surprised to see Mr. Clinton singing along with him. When asked about his return, Mr. Clinton simply said, “Because aliens await my music.”
June 20th, 2006 at 4:48 am
Nice story. I hope that this won’t put you off getting back on the orad more often. As for the caption. I had the winner in my mind and then saw that ndench had beat me to it.
Get out of my mix! hey! Get on out of my mix!
Cheers,
Jon
June 20th, 2006 at 5:08 am
LOL!
who knew!…we just thought they gave him an unworking mic!
Well-we loved the performance!!!
But there were snafus even from my point of view-
When the MC showed tee shirts that were to be on sale…
he presented the awesome “tour shirt” twice !
and so when he said “And this shirt was specially made for tonight”
he held up the”tour shirt” design again, even calling it a ‘girl’ t-shirt and didn’t preview mine a tall :sniff:
I wanted to bonk the MC on the head-but then he annouced a reeeally nice intro for Thomas…soooo-I forgave him-kinda
oh well…I’m sure that it’ll be up here soon
and I have a cutie picy of a beautiful Japanese gal-I think her name was Miso wearing one of the new tees with my glasses on-So she looked just like Miss Sakamoto!!!
I’m not evn goin to try for a caption…all I can think of is a Judy Blum ref,
“Is that you God, It’s me Thomas.” or a Darth Vader thing…
” Yes Thomas- ‘I ‘ am your father…”
: P
June 20th, 2006 at 5:52 am
“Thomas, this is your oh so funky conscience. What’s a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?”
June 20th, 2006 at 7:12 am
OK well it may be from a somewhat infamous Apple commercial, but here goes:
“I’m gonna drop the funk bomb on ya.”
June 20th, 2006 at 7:39 am
“Oh – thought it was George Bush and Bill Clinton bum-rushing the show so we turned the mic off”
June 20th, 2006 at 8:07 am
LOL!
I love Beechwoodave’s quote!
June 20th, 2006 at 8:10 am
-Thomas Dolby and George Clinton work together again and sing hits from Clinton’s album: “Some Of My Best Microphones Are Jokes”
June 20th, 2006 at 8:58 am
Caption?
“Should have caught up on your fieldwork George”
By the way, HollyG, your hot!! More pics please!!
June 20th, 2006 at 9:16 am
I am!? Jim just turned on the air conditioner : D
But thank you Valen :blush:
June 20th, 2006 at 10:05 am
What Thomas didn’t know was that Violet Blue’s on-stage persona looked an awful lot like George Clinton!
June 20th, 2006 at 10:37 am
The clones of Dr. Funkenstein, Thomas Dolby and George Clinton, are awaiting the arrival of the Mothership to make that funk connection to the cosmos.
June 20th, 2006 at 11:36 am
‘The ghost of music past come back to haunt Dolby’
June 20th, 2006 at 11:53 am
‘came’ back ^^
lol
June 20th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Separated at Birth!
Tara Lyn
June 20th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Can I enter another one?
Play that funky music, white boy!
Tara Lyn
June 20th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
lol@ Tara Lyn and ndench
(What hasn’t been addressed is: did George ever notice?)
Don’t worry about the show not going off like clockwork, Thomas. As George himself said, “once you’ve done the best you can, funk it!â€
June 20th, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Haha, now that’s funny!
I don’t think I can top ndench’s “Hey George, get out of my mix†so I will have to add my support to that for the prize!
)
June 20th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
Hmmm, the caption…
George Clinton performs a private concert in Dolby.
June 20th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
Next year, Thomas hopes to play the “Erotic” stage.
June 20th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
“Hey, Tom, m’man . . . d’jou steal my stash?”
June 20th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
“Shure, Thomas, I’d love to sang “Hot Sauce” wit’cha!!
Hey, uh…is this thang on??!?”
Love and intractable silliness,
Kooky Kara…
June 20th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
“Turn……. this Mutha…. UP!!!!”
June 20th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
(George Clinton is in my head – must maintain composure.
George Clinton is in my head – must maintain composure.
Ok Thomas, here comes the chorus, you can do it. Stay cool)
They call her Hot Sauce
She’s hot and spicy
But nice as twicey.
Although she urn me bup
(dang..)
June 20th, 2006 at 5:40 pm
Thomas quickly presses the ‘Funk Off’ button on his console….
Madtheory.com
Sam.
June 20th, 2006 at 5:50 pm
“thomas: we have installed a program to call down the Mothership. press that blue button twice with the beat, then get down with your bad self three times. the eeeeeb will never know what hit ‘em!”
June 20th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
Suddenly in his head, Thomas hears the voice of Dog – Atomic Dog.
June 20th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
Hmm, you’re not splitting my sides yet. The ‘voice of my subconscious’ type captions linked to Pfunky quotes seem on the right track though!
June 20th, 2006 at 7:57 pm
Caption:
Thomas Dolby (pictured left), appears unfazed as he gets an inner ear “pfunk-pflush” of Hot Sauce – before returning to his private curtain.
Looking forward to a NYC Fall show – decided the EEEEEB was not the best venue for the family….take care and best of luck in the UK!
June 20th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
“Hot Sauce mix up at Erotic Ball blows it for Clinton”
June 20th, 2006 at 9:24 pm
Hi. I automatically disqualify myself against whatever odds because in this country we’re seeing what happens when somebody gets to win twice in a row. Nonetheless, the spirit of the game moves me to offer:
“TEAR THE ROOF OFF THE COCHLEA!”
-or-
“‘Ebony & Ivory’ for a new millennium: Finally, in sap-free hands, it doesn’t patronise the listener to the point of hasty self-immolation.”
(For the sake of sensitive younger readers, I’ll leave out: “Hey Man…Smell My Auditory Canal!” Oops.)
June 20th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
“George On My Mind.”
June 20th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
“What the funk?!”
June 21st, 2006 at 12:41 am
“Mr. Dolby bravely continues his set despite being interrupted mid-song by a street-wise wookie.”
Thanks for the great story, Thomas!
June 21st, 2006 at 1:26 am
Just as Dr Funkenstein tried his new voice command system on the Monster, he realised the bolts were in the wrong place,….
or
As the Urban Dancefloor Guerilla rushed the stage, Dolby felt an itch in his headphones,….
or
Dr Funkenstein trys to ask Violet ‘May we bang you?’ with catastrophic results,….
(Blimey,…can’t quite get it today! )
Thomas! We’re really looking forward to the Scala gig – Good luck! (not that you needed it!) for the coming weekend
June 21st, 2006 at 1:29 am
George “Yo Thomas, turn me up man…give me some Hot Sauce!”
Thomas “Where’s the volume controller for that Motha?”
June 21st, 2006 at 1:42 am
Dolby wowed the crowd with an update of his classic hit, now entitled “He Blinded Me With A Giant Mirrored Spaceship That Was Lowered From The Ceiling Illuminated By Nineteen Strobes And Four Banks Of Lasers.”
June 21st, 2006 at 1:49 am
“Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a funk bomb on a keyboard. Once the music goes 132 beats per minute, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 132, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?”
June 21st, 2006 at 2:52 am
“By George, I think he’s funky!”
Looks like that gig was a lot of fun, I wish that I could have made the trek to NYC.
June 21st, 2006 at 2:54 am
“Typical. I think my headphones are picking up interference from the McDonalds drive thru next door. All I can hear is someone going on about wanting fries with their shake”…
June 21st, 2006 at 4:55 am
Thomas, First time on the board. Loving what you do since ’82.
To the tune of “Nubian Nut”…
Thomas didn’t know where the voice was coming from.
He new it sounded like his old Nubian Chum.
King George is the future, history.
Funkin’ out with Thomas Dolby at the E-E-B!!!
June 21st, 2006 at 6:37 am
In keeping with the spirit of the evening George gives Thomas some personal aural treatment live on stage
June 21st, 2006 at 7:08 am
“I use this to put a bit of ambient noise in the mix, But its funny, depending on where its pointed I hear bits of conversations, sometimes its some secretary talking about an affair she’s having, other times its geek talk… now hows he got that midi’d up there, and other times…HOLY CRAP! All I can Hear Is George Clinton Yelling!!!” Good thing he didn’t start hitting the mic with his hand like he usually does!
June 21st, 2006 at 7:10 am
Pssst! Yo, Thomas! Sorry for the interuption, but there’s a bet going on backstage that you won’t take off your shirt before your set ends. I’ve got $200 says you will. Come on, you know you want to…
June 21st, 2006 at 7:53 am
Does anyone else here feel reminded of the woman in Tom & Jerry cartoons shouting: “THOmass”?
June 21st, 2006 at 9:17 am
“Thomas, oh, Thomas, this here’s George speaking to ya. Do you remember the last gig we played together? Well, this time I’ll let you have front stage — I’ll just put my pfunk lyrics in your head, and you can belt them out. We’ll see what comes out the other end!”
June 21st, 2006 at 9:42 am
[...] Thanks for the birthday wishes! Filed under: Personal, Birthdays — Giles Bateman @ 12:42 pm [...]
June 21st, 2006 at 12:42 pm
“missing…missing…missing…One of my microphones is missing tonight…………………..”
June 21st, 2006 at 2:12 pm
“I think the dog is in me… Bow wow”
June 21st, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Oh yes, here comes the stripper!….now, to bring the mood down a little…..
madtheory.com
June 21st, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Thomas regrets allowing George to program the machine as every sample is labeled “Funky”.
June 21st, 2006 at 5:12 pm
Hey George, careful with the mic… those aliens already ate my Buick!
June 21st, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Hey, George, have you seen my arm?
Yeah, it’s right over there in the corner along with my face.
June 21st, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Keep it cool George, I’m reprogramming the drum-pad to summon the MotherShip…
June 21st, 2006 at 11:07 pm
How about…
“He Deafened me with Science!”
June 22nd, 2006 at 7:35 am
“Hey George, Smell My Finger!”
June 22nd, 2006 at 7:51 am
Hopefully this works. I’m not sure what HTML codes this blog engine permits in the comments section.
June 22nd, 2006 at 7:53 am
Okay, click here to see the caption then. Image tags don’t work it would seem.
June 22nd, 2006 at 8:48 am
George whispers into Thomas’ private mix, “Strippers were exactly what are sets were missing! Why didn’t we think of this years ago???”
June 22nd, 2006 at 9:52 am
One of these days I will learn to proof what I write before hitting the “submit” button. It should say:
George whispers into Thomas’ private mix, “Strippers were exactly what our sets were missing! Why didn’t we think of this years ago???â€
June 22nd, 2006 at 10:31 am
Oh wont you “Stop George!”
Get off my mikey
Your twice as likely
To blow my headphones up
My ears went “POP George!”
And now my hearing
Is disappearing
You’ve really stitched me up…
June 22nd, 2006 at 11:11 am
TMDR
“I scare myself…Woah!, jeez George”
Even England playing on Sunday at 16.00 pales into insignificance with the prospect of seeing TMDR live, after I’ve been patient since 1984
June 22nd, 2006 at 11:45 am
This is what makes Tinnitus worth it.
June 22nd, 2006 at 10:29 pm
They are definitely getting good! I like Digs’ alternative lyrics, and Ghastly/Crackers scores major points for adding the talk bubbles. Maybe for future caption contests someone could create some sort of form in HTML/Javascript that does talk bubbles automatically? I like the cumulative effect, it’s a bit like Fark.
Ok folks, I will write a new blog entry after the Scala tonight and this caption contest ends then. Winner gets the t-shirt of their choice (even one of Holly’s fab new girlie tees which are not even in the stores yet!)
June 23rd, 2006 at 5:20 am
WooHoo!
now how do we wish you luck for your show?
I know in the theatre it’s “break a lag”
soooo do we say ” blow a circuit”?
; D
Big Hugs!!!!
June 23rd, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Hmmmmmmmm interesting Thomas. How about this
The brother in the codpiece
He’s sneaky as can be
He’s tiptoed up behind
He’s gonna deafen me!!!!!
June 23rd, 2006 at 5:30 pm
“and now ladies and gentleman. My Man Friday…
…thru Thursday,
George Clinton.
There’s no need…..none.”
June 24th, 2006 at 4:42 am
“Mr Dolby struggles to reboot, as his new funk unit – the Clinton v2.1 – becomes stuck in a deep groove”
June 24th, 2006 at 6:03 am
AUDIENCE: “Keep ‘em on!”
June 24th, 2006 at 6:05 am
DOLBY [THINKS]: “Don’t make eye contact with the stripper don’t make eye contact with the stripper…. oh god the wife will kill me… don’t make eye contact… Quick, look interested in the technology….”
June 24th, 2006 at 6:06 am
GEORGE: “Yo Thomas! Should I take my clothes off now or what? Thomas?”
June 24th, 2006 at 6:08 am
Wondering why most of the audience had just fainted, little did Dolby realise that his wireless mic was operating on the same frequency as the free remote control vibrators handed out at the door.
June 24th, 2006 at 6:10 am
By the end of the set, Dolby was thoroughly irritated. He couldn’t find the “OFF” switch and his crotchless rubber panties were starting to chafe.
June 24th, 2006 at 6:11 am
crude -i meant ‘Leg”
:sigh: morning typo : P
June 24th, 2006 at 6:27 am
Ok, the caption contest if officially over! I will pick a winner and post the results within a few days. Thanks for all your submissions!
Thomas
June 26th, 2006 at 11:06 am
Clinton: “Hey, Thomas. Is that your submarine or are you just glad to see me?”
.
June 26th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Uggghh!!!!! The one contest fitting my name and I was away! Oh well. Might as well throw mine out for posterity’s sake:
“I knew the teacher who had the funk.â€
July 31st, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Virtuagirl…
Virtuagirl, virtual stripper on your desktop…