The topography of womens’ underwear
The topography of womens’ underwear is quite beyond me.
It’s so bloody cold here in England that I have been wearing a set of silk longjohns, with several layers of clothing on top. Last night, with an arctic blizzard raging outside, I kept my longjohns on to go to bed. When I woke up this morning the long john tights were around my ankles, and my underpants were wrapped round them in the most curious way. The crotches were intertwined and the underpants dangled, like one of those metal puzzle rings, unsolved. I stared and stared, and for the life of me could not figure out how my underpants ended up in that position—unless some devious mathemetician sneaked in in the night, took the whole lot off and deliberately rearranged them in a configuration guaranteed to boggle my feeble waking mind.
And this led me to thinking about women who are able to take off their brassière without removing their top. Who invented/discovered this awesome trick? Was it perhaps some feminists in the 60s who felt it added drama to the bra-burning ritual? And is there indeed a whole slew of other cunning manoeuvres women know about and don’t share with us? Are you all out there sniggering over my longjohn puzzle, thinking to yourselves “ah, Dolby’s stumbled onto Womens’ Underwear Manoeuvre #37″?
[...] notes in latest blog post that it’s bloody cold now in England (same in the Midwest) and that he’s been waking up [...]
I’m not sure about manoeuvre #37, but in my younger years I applied much diligence to researching the knotty problem of bra removal – and with some satisfactory results as I recall.
Funny post Thomas, thank you! – had some Bloomingdale’s undies that lost all their elasticity, having your skivvies fall down inside your trousers is a truly curious sensation, especially while grocery shopping. Moral? = don’t buy bloomie’s!
well Thomas, this is a dilema, but fortunately I do have the answer for you! “Go speak to the polar bear you must”. Aaaannnnd your awake.
Well, Thomas, that’s a mental image that I didn’t really need on a Sunday morning
It becomes a necessity with uncomfortable bras on long trips to figure out how to get out of it without exposing one’s self. Probably, women evolved to be able to do this back from the Victorian days. Now, I wonder if Darwin had claimed any victims on women attempting this feat.
Ah, taking off a bra while leaving on the shirt above it is topologically a simple thing. In the Time/Life Science Library “Mathematics” book (1967 edition), on page 179, there is a series of photos of a man taking off a vest while leaving on the jacket over it. I’m looking at that page now – looks more strenuous then the bra thing, but quite feasible. Topologically speaking, one was never inside the other at all.
(Thought there’d be enough geeks like me here to appreciate that…)
All puzzles are best figured out if they’re re-enacted a number of times. Having had extensive experience ripping my own tights off at the end of a long, freezing day, before jumping in the nice hot shower at home, I can attest to how tangled up everything gets. Often I have ended up with the exact configuration you describe. It has to do with downward velocity of motion combined with a twisting action. The fabric does all the rest. Taking the bra off is very easy once you get the hang of it, but the thing I can’t figure out is how to get it back on again. It doesn’t work both ways!
Two words, crotchless underpants – that’s how I roll.
What with the polar bear/sealskull and now this, you’ve got the makings of an amazing video to promote the new album.
Last week I read “Juliet, Naked” by Nick Hornby. I have to admit, that I would be really keen on the the comment of Mr. Hornby on this thread
Sounds to me like your briefs and the long johns were gettin’ bizz-ay.
Is that what they mean by “getting your knickers in a twist?”
Down goes the underwear…..up goes the useless prayer…….the elastic are tethers you were born in….
My gran tells a great underwear anecdote from when she was in the WRAF and on a date with a very well-bred officer. Good quality underwear was one of the many things in short supply during the war, but she’d managed to get hold of some parachite silk and had made herself some rather fetching french knickers. She wore these on one particular date when he ‘d decided to introduce her to his rather hoity-toity parents. Unfortunately as they promenaded along the banks of the river Thames the elastic went & the knickers dropped instantly round her ankles. She decided there was nothing for it but just to step out of them and carry on taling to his parents as if nothing had happened. Being the well-bred young man that he was her date quickly picked them up & shoved them in his jacket pocket before her parents could notice.
Anyhow it can’t have outraged her date too much as they were married shortly after and were inseperable until his death in the 60s. Perhaps underwear failure is one of the recipes for true love?!
I’ve recently discovered that a club that turned me away for dresscode violation because I was wearing a tanktop did not find it to be a dresscode violation when I returned wearing a sports bra.
Such is the strange power of women’s undergarments.
Underwear is important and people should talk about underwear every chance that they get. There are not enough poems and songs about underwear. I’ll get to work on this…if I ever get to the bottom of my Sunday coffee.
I would love to get a scholarship to TED…and is there any way to get an original version of Radio Silence?
Call me a purist but there are strong nostalgic reasons that I’d love to have it. Music evokes a time and there are just moments when you want to go back for 4 minutes or so.
By the way, for the gent who just wants to feel extra pretty in the way that only women’s undergarments can make him feel, but who still wants the comfort of having room for his man parts; there is a product known as Manties that from what I have heard told offers pretty and comfort all in one frilly, silky package.
What?
Also, did Thomas’ post make anyone else envision the works of Art Frahm?
Perhaps there was celery present in the room.
taking the bra off while the shirt is on is easy, it’s just a matter of removing one’s arms first, and after all, the bra straps are elastic. It’s putting the bra on while wearing one’s shirt that is the real challenge…
Doesn’t anyone else have the refrain ‘Silk Pyjamas, Silk Pyjamas..’ running through their head?
It’s not just the underwear; women in general are a mystery to me – they can disrobe by taking their underwear off first but can’t park a hatchback (yeah, that’s right, bring it on ladies)!
It reminds me of a skit in the ‘Mr. Bean’ TV series (you know, when it was good and before they overdid it) where Rowan Atkinson is shown changing into swimming trunks while fully clothed and THEN taking off the rest of his clothes – I’m still trying to figure out how he did that…
Incidentally, ‘The Topography Of Women’s Underwear’ is an excellent title for an instrumental song – mind if I nick it??
Hi, thank you very much. good job.
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Very Interesting , Nice Work